Tonight I Wanna Cry
by Irish-Lullaby
Summary: Songfic and Oneshot. Inuyasha relects life without Kagome. Takes place during episode 137. Still TibbyBlack's story, the penname just changed to Howdoesitfeel


Tonight I Wanna Cry

Notes: Takes place during episode 137: An Ancestor Named Kagome. Keep in mind I haven't seen the episode, so I'm doing a lot of guess work on it. This hit me at about one in the morning while listening to Keith Urban, and I had just watched the preview for this ep.

Summary: Inu-Yasha's point of view after he heard about Hojo's ancestor. Takes place at Kagome's house, and Inu-Yasha ponders a life without her.

Songfic and a Oneshot

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Tonight I Wanna Cry by: Keith Urban

_Alone in this house again tonight_

_I got the TV on, the sound turned down _

_And a bottle of wine_

She's asleep. Dreaming peaceful dreams in her bed, she doesn't know that I heard about Ho-what's-his-face's ancestor, Kagome. She's the only Kagome I've ever known, and I've been around for a while. The strange black box thing that makes noise, not the one with pictures, the other one…what did she call it oh yes a stereo, its low so it doesn't hurt my sensitive ears. I sit on the floor staring at her, like I've done so many times before, but this time its different.

I could lose her, I might lose her, even if she decides to live in the past, doesn't mean she'll be my mate.

Feh She doesn't even like that Whelp we met so long ago, or does she?

I take another chug of this thing called Vodka, it burns all the way down, but I want this pain. It takes away the ache in my chest. Do I love her? I don't know…I loved Kikyo I know that, I think some part of me still does, but I cant imagine Kagome not in my life. Sure no more sit commands would be nice, but I think I'd miss them if she weren't there.

Looking at her desk thingy I see a picture of just the two of us, framed, we're not doing anything she just has her head on my shoulder, and I'm looking out in the distance. Funny I dont remember it being taken.

_Theres pictures of you and I _

_On the walls around me_

_The way that it was and could have been_

_Surrounds me _

_I'll never get over you walking away_

Why does this hurt so bad?

I'm so angry, not at her, never at her, I just want to…just want to what?

Wake up and see her face every morning?

See her holding our pup?

Have more moments like that picture?

Cry?

Feh… I don't cry. Its weakness, I need to be strong, so I may protect my pack. But what if that ancestor Kagome is my Kagome? She won't want me around anymore. And with the Monk and Sango together, I'll be all alone again.

The Vodka is running out, it was full when I found it.

_I've never been the kind _

_To ever let my feelings show _

_I thought that being strong _

_Meant never losing your self control_

_But I'm just drunk enough _

_To let go of my Pain_

_To Hell with my Pride_

_Let it fall like rain from my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

I'm starting to feel dizzy, I wish the floor wouldn't move so much.

Hi Kagome, in a few years will you still remember me?

What will I do without you?

Die.

If you had never come into my life, I'd still be bounded to the Sacred Tree. Shippo would be dead, so would Sango most likely. Miroku…who knows. Do you know that you're the glue that holds us together? We'd fall apart without you. I'd fall apart without you. I can feel the tears pushing at the back of my eyes, but I won't let them fall. For some reason I can't.

_Would it help if I turned _

_A sad song on?_

_All by my self _

_Would sure hit me hard_

_Now that you're gone_

That stereo is playing something different. I don't know what is being said, but it sounds sad. The bottle is now empty. And yet the pain is still there. Would, are you Hojo's great great great great grandmother? At least that mangy wolf wouldn't be in your life.

I feel a growl at the back of my throat, I need to get out of here. I cant watch you sleep without feeling this ache. I'll go outside.

It's raining.

It doesn't matter

I feel the wetness, its pouring my clothes are soaked. I don't care. The Sacred Tree looms ahead, oh how I hate that thing. It brought us together multiple times, it tares us apart too. I remember when she talked to me through it, and when she saw Kikyo kiss me. This tree has so many bad and good memories.

_Or maybe unfold some lost love letters_

_It gonna hurt bad _

_Before it gets better_

_But I never get over you by hiding this way_

"Inu-Yasha?"

Her voice, your voice. I hate how it makes my heart skip a beat.

Turning to look at her, she is in the doorway, staring at me. I turn to her, and walk towards her. She stares at me funny, but hands me a towel.

"You're soaked"

"Feh"

"Here you need to get out of those clothes. Change into this"

She hands me a shirt and a pair of pants she'd bought me some time ago. I change into them, my head feels funny. When I come out she takes me by the hand and leads me up to her room. Where she proceeds to yell at me, she has found the empty bottle. My ears lay flat on my head, it hurts, everything hurts.

Why Kagome? Why can't we be together? I know we fight, I know we don't always agree, but we make a good team right? Why do you find someone else? Is it because I'm a hanyou? Do I disgust you? I know I'm not worthy but…I thought that that it didn't bother you? You told me you liked me as a hanyou.

Your still yelling at me, it hurts more now because, this won't last, will it? You won't always be there to yell at me. The pressure is too strong, maybe it's the Vodka, but I am no longer connected to my body.

I watch myself fling on to you, you're startled Kagome. I watch as the tears come streaming down my face like the rain outside, getting your shirt wet. And I watch has you wrap your arms around me. I can feel them and you, you're so warm.

Please don't leave me Kagome.

_I've never been the kind _

_To ever let my feelings show _

_I thought that being strong _

_Meant never losing your self control_

_But I'm just drunk enough _

_To let go of my Pain_

_To Hell with my Pride_

_Let it fall like rain from my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

So what did you think? I know Inu-Yasha is out of character, but he is drunk. And I don't know where he got the Vodka from; I just needed something strong for it to work. Be nice and please keep in mind that I haven't seen the episode and that this is my first Inu-Yahsa fic. Hopefully you liked it.


End file.
